Learning From Grief...
I have learned so much through the grief that I have experienced from losing my step-father, my grandparents, and now my brother, in less than two years. I have felt and sometimes still feel the tormenting pain of loss, yet there has been healing and restoration in ways I never thought possible. I’ve realized that we learn through our suffering if we allow our hearts to listen. Without the experience of grief, I would continue to be unaware of my friends pain and suffering.
We all feel sad when a friend loses someone they love and our intentions are to be there for them, but I now know that I will strive to "do more" when a friend is suffering.
May I always remember...
1. It is no longer appropriate to "just" reply to a Facebook message, or send a simple text how sorry I am.
Our culture has created an easy way out of consoling the people we love. I believe we are designed to “be there” for our grieving friends and to make sure that our bereaving friend knows, all the time, that we are there for them and our heart is with them. Our bereaving friend may not take phone calls or accept visitors in the first stages of grief, if so, make whatever contact they will accept (text, social media) often. Then, proceed to #2.
2. I will not say: “Let me know if you need anything”
They are GRIEVING! They don’t know what they need and, if they are like me, they wouldn’t “ask” for help when they're not grieving. Do something! Churches are good at this. They arrange meals, leave something special at your doorstep, help with the kids, etc. Don’t wait for them to ask. Grief can feel empty, lost, loveless and dark. Taking action will show you care, no matter how big or small, and it really does bring a little light to their world.
3. I will not leave you alone to process your grief- for too long!
We all know that grieving takes time and there is a time for physically being alone to weep & process, but leaving one alone for too long may translate as: “I don’t really care that much, or” I’m too busy to check on you.” They need you, believe me. Let us remember that grieving can come in waves and may take months or even years to feel somewhat normal again. Love on your friend continually for how ever long it takes.
4. Don’t say anything to try to fix me or make things better. “It’s going to be ok”, “I know how you feel” “God knows what He’s doing” "They are in a better place"
“It doesn’t feel ok” and “where is GOD?” are pretty common emotional rationales when first dealing with grief. You can’t “fix” them, they must embrace the process and everyone’s process is different. Just say, “I’m here and I love you" and say it often.
"It is not how much we give, but how much LOVE we put into giving" ~Mother Teresa
Here's to growing together.
Blessings, Gigi